Oh hell yeah!!!

My birthday is going to kick so much ass in 2005.

Where does the time go?

Wow, September came and went awfully fast. As you noticed, I haven't written much lately. Well, I am a pretty busy man with a lot of responsibilities to answer to, and unfortunately that means I have little time to do silly things like write on this site. Just thought I would drop a quick note to let those of you who read this know that I am not dead, I have not abandoned this, and I have will be back in a more regular manner real soon. Just have too much on my plate to really focus on anything non-important at this time. So, until I type again, enjoy your life and be good to each other.

- Josh

Countdown to a long weekend begins

Once again, its the week before a long weekend. This time its Labor Day. Amazing how I've had this blog for almost 3 months now, yet this will be my 13th post on it. Funny, I thought I would be more active. Guess I haven't quite gotten excited about this venture yet. Oh well, sometimes you jump onto the bandwagon, other times you ease your way on.

Internet Radio Update

I have broken down my options for a server host. Based on the amount of actual time I have to work on this, I think its safe to say I will need as little interaction as possible. This has led me to the decision of Live365 as my preferred streaming server. They do it all. They post your station on their site, they give you dedicated space for stored music, there's the option of live relay broadcasting, there's a revenue-sharing benefit, and the best part of it all, its cheap. So look out, I will be making an announcement within the next couple of weeks in regards to this momentous occasion.

When you're asked to work on a Saturday, you'd think it'd be easy to say, "No."

Why must I insert my foot in my mouth and agree to work a Saturday? There's no real merit to it for me. I am going to sit here, watch some people who've never worked in my area do a job that I can do myself, and then go home. Is there any real purpose to this? I mean, besides getting time and a half for it? Sigh, me and my bit mouth.

Had a conversation with a co-worker today about the necessity of cheesy forms of entertainment. Basically, I live by a principal of embracing all forms of cheesiness, because you never know when all irony and silliness might dry up and life will become dull and boring. Basically I explained to him the dream I have of a show I like to call, "Saturday Night Cheese".

"Saturday Night Cheese" is a direct descendant of the much scorned guilty pleasure of the 90s, USA Network's "Up All Night with Rhonda Shearer". Gilbert Gottfried hosted the Friday night-edition of this beloved spectacle of all things cheese, but we won't mention it because Friday's show was dedicated to more mainstream movies like "Kindergarten Cop" and "Nuns on the Run". Ms. Shearer's show, on the other hand, was geared more towards what I like to refer to as "hideously unadulterated cheese". While Gilbert would go on and on about Corey Feldman's acting prowess in "The Lost Boys", Rhonda would give us insight into Corey's motivation to take on a role such as the lead character in that box-office-smash sequel to the cult classic "Rock 'n' Roll High School", "Rock 'n' Roll High School Forever". Or the absurdities of evil car-wash magnates in such wonderful, albeit highly censored classics like "Bikini Car Wash Company" and its runaway hit sequel, "Bikini Car Wash Company 2".

This is what I am talking about. This is what's lacking on TV today. Ted Turner saw the need for such a show on TNT and had one going on Friday nights in the late 90s, and a local channel here in Indy used to have a late-late show on Saturday nights called "Drive In Matinee" that would show some of the cheesiest of the cheesy, but it was no match for what I have in mind. I want a pay channel, like HBO, that is dedicated to movies such as what I have mentioned above, but in its uncensored glory. One thing the 80s had going for it with the B-movies was the over-exuberance for gratuitous nudity, with little to no necessity for it in the plot development. Who can forget such celluloid greats like "Hamburger: The Movie" or "Ski School"? And it doesn't just stop there, oh no. We don't need all the boobies, faked sex scenes, and dorky guys winning the hot chicks over when we have a huge breadth of crappy 80s comedies. I'm talking Teen Wolf (and I guess its sequel if you have a strong stomach), Back to School, My Science Project, Midnight Madness, and other greats that didn't rely on unnecessary boobs being flashed or almost shots of man junk. And let us not forget the king of all things cheesy....Troma Films. Man, we have the Toxic Avenger series, the Class of Nuke 'em High movies, and Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. Can it get any better? It sure can. There are endless possibilities for a station like this...if only I had the money to get it going. Alright, back to work I go.

Cyberspace, are you ready to rock?

Internet Radio Update

My quest to run an internet radio station is inching closer to reality. I have spent the better part of the last month testing the capabilites of my home network for radio broadcasting, which has included several 24-hour test runs of different formats to accurately gain an idea as to what the demand for this venture would be. Below are the results.

Testing details

I utilized the free Shoutcast servers for the three tests. Based on current broadband limitiations, I had to go with the mp3PRO format and 64kbps bitrate to have 6 simultaneous listeners. For those unfamiliar to mp3PRO, click here to learn more. After each test, an analysis of each days streams statistics was completed. This analysis included the total number of unique IPs logged, length of listen, average listenership, and total number of repeat listeners.

Day 1 - Classic Alternative/Modern Rock

During this first 24-hour period, the playlist was a healthy rotation of classic alternative tracks (early 80s alternative music) and more modern flair heard on most alternative rock stations today. Analysis concludes the following:

Total unique listeners: 24
Total repeat listeners: 5
Average length of listenership: 0:57:32
Longest consecutive stream: 3:24:21

Day 2 - Classic Rock/Hair Metal

This 24-hour period featured rock from the 70s, 80s, and early-90s. Examples of the 70s would be Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, The Doors, BTO, etc. 80s consisted of Tom Petty, Def Leppard, and the hair bands, and the early 90s focused on bands like Faith No More, Metallica, Guns N' Roses, Alice in Chains, and Megadeth. Analysis results are:

Total unique listeners: 38
Total repeat listeners: 12
Average length of listenership: 0:46:34
Longest consecutive stream: 1:51:54

Day 3 - Bootleg concerts

This unique format for the last 24-hour period consisted of 10 of my favorite bootlegs that I have gathered over the years. This format was the most structured for an automated process, for I had to actually pick the shows I wanted to broadcast and set their playlist up manually. There was no random function on this stream, so it was straight shows. To alleviate the possibility of stream recording this particular set of shows so that they don't end up being burned onto a CD and sold to unsuspecting kids via ebay, I placed 10-second tags during the show to break it up and destroy the flow of each show. I think it worked rather well. Results:

Total unique listeners: 18
Total repeat listeners: 6
Average length of listenership: 4:27:41
Longest consecutive stream: 13:17:38

According to the results, the most "viewed" format was Classic Rock/Hair Metal, but the format with the most loyal listenership is the Bootleg concert format. For the classic rock format, I assume the lack of quality rock stations that play GOOD rock has caused the mainstream listeners to search for their fix online, so I attribute the larger audience to that. Of course, these listeners also weren't listening for very long, so either they weren't satisfied with what they were hearing, or they got their quick fix and moved on. The modern rock format has more loyalty than classic rock, as more than half the listeners listened for at least 90 minutes, but there were several who listened for a couple minutes, and then dropped out. As for the bootleg concert format, obviously the numbers don't lie. This is probably the most respected and desired format, as everyone digs a live show. Because of bandwidth limits, the numbers are skewed severely in the direction of failure, and had I not scoured over the total listener time, I wouldn't have noticed that the lack of listeners was due mainly to my listener max being MAXED OUT almost 95% of the time. One listener was logged into my stream for over half the entire testing period, which says a lot. So I think what's going to happen is that I am going to start out with the bootleg format, and when that grows tired, I will change it up, mixing choice performances into the normal rotation of rock music. Now, if only I could decide on who to host my content...

Busy, busy, and more busy

Things have been rather tough as of late. I am busy as hell at work, and with other things going on, I am just all-around busy. But, I do have enough time to update this...surprise surprise.

If you haven't noticed, there is now a counter at the bottom of the page. I warned that I would probably do something silly like that, so there it is. I see I have had a few visitors, BUT I STILL HAVEN'T HAD ANY COMMENTS!!! COME ON PEOPLE...I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS....DROP SOME WORDS OR SOMETHING!!

Went to the state fair last weekend. Wow, can you say over-crowded? I knew you could. There was some 80,000 people there, just walking around, staring at animals' butts and eating food way too bad for your health. I saw the world's largest pig.....good lord. Saw some black Angus bulls, made me crave a nice steak, so we went to Texas Roadhouse and had one. I wanted Outback, but they were way too busy, and besides, the Roadhouse is right down the street from us. And, I will say, I am not on the deep-fried Twinkie® bandwagon. It was awful. The cream center practically vaporized, and I couldn't taste anything except for the breading, which bordered between pancake and paper towel in taste and texture. Blech. So, needless to say, I won't be wasting my money on that crap anymore. Give me elephant ears and funnel cakes any day.

Someone sent me one of those silly forwards in email that gave the recipe to make me. I'd like to think its pretty spot on. What do you think?

How to make a Josh

Ingredients: 5 parts intelligence 3 parts brilliance 3 parts empathy

Method: Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little emotion if desired!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Back from the dead?

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later...I post another entry.

As you can tell, I am not really jumping into this like its an actual diary or anything. Instead, I am using this as a tool to vent my frustrations. My lack of posting has to do with the fact that I have been, for the most part, not very frustrated. Sure, there's the usual crap that puts a frown on my face, but for the most part, things have been pretty close to tip-top.

So then why am I writing now? Why not shut up and go away until I have something juicy to scream about? Well, because I am bored at work and have no better way to spend my break than to jot some things down. A few "projects" in various forms of completion have crept into my social life, leaving me pretty winded. What are they?

Internet Radio Station
That's right, I am working on my very own internet radio station. Now, its not going to be anything huge like www.knac.com or anything of that nature, but it is a springboard that will hopefully launch a side career for me. As you may (if you know me) or may not know, I used to be involved in radio heavily. I worked at a couple stations in Cincinnati, and I even received certification from the Ohio Center for Broadcasting. So as you can see, I am qualified to make this happen. Basically what this entails is running a server from which I will broadcast various types of music through. Am I going to DJ? Well, that depends. As for right now, I am just running music through automation, and that provides for uninterrupted music for as long as I leave the station up. Sometimes its an hour, other times its for a day. It all depends on what I have going. Right now, I mainly use it to listen to something at work, and there is enough slots for 1 other person to listen to what's playing. So, once things get finalized, you'll find out here what's up.

E-zine
OK, this isn't that huge, but basically I am in the process are starting up an e-zine with a couple friends of mine. What is an e-zine exactly? Well, its really something similar to this. Basically its a web-based newspaper that is going to cover various points of interest revolving around the arts. Aside from being the webmaster, I am also going to be a bit of a contributing editor. I'll have a couple columns of differing topics, and perhaps my own review section for albums, movies, books, whatever I can bother myself with. My personal life takes a front seat to all this, and therefore I need to make sure I have my priorities going before I dedicate time and money to that venture.

Novel(s)
Yeah, you read that right. I am working on several novels of different subject matter. I am not going to drop titles or anything as of yet, seeing as I put quite a lot of thought into these and I would hate for someone to steal these titles and make them their own. Screw that, this is my work, dammit, go create your own. I have a semi-autobiographical in there, as I have lived quite an interesting life, mixed with some fiction to spice up boring parts. I am also working on a comedic space epic in the vein of Douglas Adams' fantastic "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" series and Monty Python. I am also working with a couple friends on a reference guide to all things related to rock. Its not an encyclopedia of rock music that you usually think of...no no no. Its actually a listing for up and coming bands who want to try to get into the biz. Basically I was having conversations with a couple friends of mine who are in bands and how they are sick of not being able to cut a break because of lack of connections. Well, considering I still have a few friends in radio, I tend to have some pretty good connections in this regard, so I decided to put together, with their help, a guide for young, aspiring bands to help get them in the door. I have venues, promoters, studios, rehearsal spaces, and small, independent record labels all listed with write-ups on them. This is going to be a must-have for bands that are deciding to take it serious but not knowing what to do next. This has the potential of being released first, as there are a lot of interested parties who'd love the info we've gathered. Well, there's no such thing as a free lunch, so you'll have to buy it like everyone else.

Anyway, that's what's been up. I just realized that I didn't say a word on this blog for the whole month of July, so I guess this update to what's been up was a bit rewarding. Until I get pissed again, this is your old pal Josh.

Captain's Blog Stardate 21074........

I feel like I am on an episode of Star Trek and this is my little captain's log. I don't really have too much to write about at this point, but I thought I would drop a line on here for those precious few who are actually reading this (I got your emails...I am updating this finally...but for the sake of my sanity...please just leave a comment).

The first of my summer adventures has come and passed, and I miss it. This was the family reunion trip. Things didn't happen they way I wanted it to, and we only ended up spending about an hour and some change at the actual reunion. But all in all, we had a good time. The cabin we stayed in was absolutely atrocious. It was obviously a fisherman's cabin for the lake we were on, and the cleanliness depicted this fact nicely. The beds were big and comfy, but they were brown from obvious years of use. As for the funtime merriment...well, there wasn't much. It rained for much of Friday, leaving us stuck inside with nothing to do. There wasn't any cable to speak of, so watching TV was not happening. We ended up going to my family's house and hung out there for a while, basically having a mini-reunion if you will. Because of the state of the cabin, we had to get out of there, so Friday night we spent driving around, trying to pickup a cell phone signal to make a reservation to a hotel. I know what you're saying..."Why don't you just go home?" "Its not like you were far away or anything?" Well, we didn't want to go home. We wanted an indoor pool for the girls to go swimming in, and I wanted to stay somewhere nice and different for the remainder of the weekend, so we reserved a room at a new Fairfield Suites in Clarksville, IN (just across the river from Louisville) and stayed there. The girls loved it, and we slept like babies that night. So in summary...we didn't go boating on the lake...the cabin was disgusting...we only spent an hour and a half at the reunion...and we ended up staying the last night in a hotel. Sounds like nothing went according to plan and I should be upset, huh? Well, you're wrong. If there's one thing people have come to learn about me, its that I love the unexpected. Sure, I love to have everything mapped out, but I allow myself to deviate from that plan if I have to. And as far as I am concerned, we had the best time possible, and it made my love for my future wife that much more. It was great...so what's next?

Our trip to New York has been cancelled. Cyndi's (my woman) mother has decided she isn't going to watch Cyndi's children while we go to New York, so this has left us in a pickle. So instead of breaking the court order to not take the children out of state without the ex's permission (which he will obviously deny just to be a cockhead), we have decided to just not go...which is fine considering that it would have cost us damn near $1000 to do it. Money well saved. So that frees up that weekend. What we have decided to do is take the girls to Lake Michigan to go swimming that weekend. I think they will love it. It sure as hell beats spending a weekend with their grandmother. Other than that, all the other plans are still on and I can't wait....bring it on...summer rules.

Busy weekend leads to busy summer

Well, this was by far the most whirlwind of all weekends, believe me. Three shindigs of varying importance, and several events set to transpire in the coming months, all happening within a 72-hour time frame. Below is a listing of what happened and what's to come. You'll get a pretty CLEAR depiction of just how busy things have gotten.

Parties

Friday - My bride-to-be and myself attended my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary. It was held in a quaint little room in a good-sized banquet facility. The price of the food during normal dining is listed in the local paper as moderate, so you can imagine the type of fare we were expecting to have. But never in my wildest dreams did I expect to be exposed to food of this caliber. Lets put it this way, for those who aren't too keen on massive details...it sucked. It was basically a buffet dinner, which I am not opposed to in the slightest. The salad was the traditional roughage, with broccoli and cauliflower thrown in for good measure. The choice of dressings was either fat-free Ranch (barf), a paltry excuse for French, or a dismal and bland oily Italian (the little lady hated it). The dinner was worse. Rock hard rolls with no butter, grease-infused chicken, very wet cole slaw, bland scalloped potatoes, and the worst cafeteria-style mashed potatoes I have ever tasted. It was horrible. But, it was quickly forgotten as we celebrated this huge milestone in the sacred bond of love. Aside from the food, it was a fabulous occasion.

Saturday - My lady's older daughter celebrated her 4th b-day today at a bash we had thrown for us at The Children's Museum of Indy. An expensive effort, but rewarding nonetheless when we saw her face light up in joy. It was marred by an accounting error and a lack of cohesive organization on the part of the organizers. Basically they wanted $50 more than they were owed and because they took too long to play dress up with the children, we had our party go over and the present-opening was cut from the itinery. Pissed us off, but it was still fun.

Sunday - Went to the woman's friend's shipping-off party. Her friend is heading to the Navy on Tuesday, so this is their send off to her. Had some good food, mingled, watched some insightful TV, and learned that if you pet a male Pug dog on the back of the neck just right, his little pink rocket will pop out for the whole world to see. A learning experience for everyone to indulge in.

Plans

Listed here are things we are supposed to do for the next 2 months. This is in no particular order, but is on the agenda:
Weekend camping trip
Weekend trip to Kings Island with another couple
Family Reunion in Southern Indiana
Surprise 50th b-day party for my woman's aunt in New York
My niece's 5th b-day party
Fourth of July cook-out with my family
Company picnic at the zoo
Company outing to Kentucky Kingdom

This is all things I have learned of planned in the past week, and summer hasn't even officially begun yet. Oh what fun lies in the near future. Also, stick in a potential trip to Cedar Point with the lady's boss, and yet more hilarity ensues. Ah, summer...just a couple days ago I was yearning for the old days...now I feel like my wish is granted...more things to do than I have time/money for.

Click 'Here' to update or 'Edit' to make changes

Hello all...me again.

So another Memorial Day weekend has come and gone and with it, the childish splendor that is summer vacation. I remember a time when I loved Memorial weekend. The Indy 500, barbecues, no more school, road trips with the family. Times were a lot simpler and fun. But now, I look back and I feel empty. A void that has replaced that warmth and happiness. Why? What am I missing? Ah yes....youth. Looking back, I feel old. I know it was only 12 years ago, but when you think about it, that's a really long time. That's infancy, toddler, elementary school-age, puberty, and pre-teen, to put it into perspective. And thinking about THAT alone is enough to make me sick to the stomach. Gone are the carefree days where we can wake up at noon and go to bed at 3am. Gone are the days of calling up your friend and popping over to watch their father's pornos while talking about the intricacies of a boner and how big a certain schoolmate's breasts are. Gone is the excitement of your parents telling you that the whole family is heading to **insert theme park name** for the weekend or to **insert family gathering** in **insert state** for a week. And gone is the passion and desire of a young couple's summer love, tinged with sexual innuendo and heavy petting in a conditioned and controlled "exploration period". Yeah, while some people look at Memorial Day weekend and think about warm weather, swimming pools, and camping trips, I sit back and sadly recall a time when I didn't care about responsibility, and I didn't worry about how much money I have or if I will be able to pay all my bills. I solemnly reminisce on a period of my life where I genuinely felt happy, with no need for outside companionship or monetary stability. Most people love this time of year....I dread it. It brings up painful memories of a doomed first relationship. It leaves me pondering the kind of summers I'll be able to provide my girlfriend's children (and perhaps our own if we ever make it that far), but most of all...it leaves me longing to be young again, in the thick of adolescence, where my only concerns and worries are who's house are we setting a tent up in and how much trouble am I going to be in because I am 20 minutes late in coming home for the night. Ah, growing up....how I loathe your rank embrace of adulthood.

Is it just me or is time standing still?

OK, its the final hour before the end of the work week and a 3-day weekend. You'd think I would be excited. Well you're wrong. This day is going by so slow that I can actually feel myself getting older as each minute passes. The day started off fine. The first 2 hours flew by. But then the hour before lunch basically dragged, knowing full well that I was going to cherish lunchtime. And from there, this day has just dragged on, kicking and screaming. And for what? I don't have any plans. I'm not going anywhere. Its not like there is anything for me to be excited about that would make me want to leave. No, its just the fact that this is the final day before a 3-day weekend. That's all it really is. And its pissing me off. Come on...all you need to do is say 4:00 and I am gone. Is that so difficult? For the love of all things small and furry....GET ON WITH IT!!!!

Are you there?

Is anyone actually reading this? I mean besides those who I asked to read it? I guess its hard to expect someone to just up and read your blog, especially if no one knows it exists. Perhaps I should put a counter at the bottom of the page? Yeah, then I will know just how pathetic I really am because the damn counter will never change. Sigh.

Anyway, I guess what really tipped off this latest rage is the current state of music. I just don't understand. Are there really that many idiots in this world? I was reading about how experts predict that this season of American Idiot has become the most popular and they expect the finale to be the biggest yet. Are you serious? There are really that many retards in the world? I mean come on, who gets the satisfaction of knowing that glorified karaoke singers are competing for a million-dollar contract and a guaranteed tour? I certainly don't. There are many unsigned and struggling bands out there that would kill for the opportunity to even open for an established act, and yet, these darlings of the television are being handed a contract and record with a minimum of going platinum at least twice (well, except for that Justin guy...but seriously, did you expect him to be any good with hair like that and a stupid smirk on his face?) and all they had to do was sing cover tunes for a television audience. Yeah, real deserving. And if I have to get into another argument with someone over how "the pressure they suffer is so immense that they deserve to have a record and tour" I am going to go Manson and stab someone in the belly with a fork. Seriously, who can justify this argument? Look at the facts:

1.) Kid stands in line for several hours for a chance to "audition" in front of an "expert" panel of "judges".
2.) If the kid can impress a fat, uninspiring album producer, a washed-up, has-been choreographer (who has no business telling someone they can or can't sing when she couldn't hold a tune herself), and a bitter, pretentious label head (who only got his notariety by doing that which makes the most sense...telling kids with no talent that they, in fact, have no talent), they are off to Hollywood...well, their parents, partners, whatever will take them to the airport where they will fly to Hollywood.
3.) Once in the land of stars, they will, once again, "audition" for the "judges", only this time they do routines and duets. Ooh, that's difficult. Singing with another person. YAWN!!!
4.) They get selected and spend the next 8-10 weeks (if they survive) singing covers 2 nights out of the week, and spending the rest of the time in a tricked out mansion in Malibu. Oh the horror. This group right here are already guaranteed a single on a compilation album, and a tour later in the year...wow, I don't now how they can take all this pressure.
5.) The final 2 will perform live with a song that they have been "working" on for the whole time. America (read: 30-million screaming girls and gay boys speed-dialing and text messaging Fox) votes on who they think is better, and boom, instant #1 single (because radio forces it on the airwaves 24/7 for a month), album, tour, etc.

Now, where in there is the pressure of having to deal with an audience that hates your music? When do they get to see what its like for a band to have beer bottles chucked at them? How are they deserving? How are they stressed? As far as I am concerned, all they do is sing some tunes, live in a 'Real World'-type house, and have absolutely no responsibility whatsoever. Fuck, they don't even write their own songs. And here's further proof of how bullshit this show is. That ugly red-headed kid, whatever his name is, did not have any business being in there. He had no talent (pretending to croon like ol' Blue Eyes is not talent...I can do that while taking a shit) to speak of and was about the whitest thing on Earth next to Carlton from 'Fresh Prince of Bel Air". I'm sorry, but this needs to stop. Something has got to give. When will America see that all they are doing is flooding the airwaves with more disposable tunes and less-talented singers. I don't mind pop music. There are some really talented acts out there (Christina and Jessica, Outkast, etc.), but then there are these damn fake pop princesses that think they are the top of the world (I blame Britney..she has a cute face, nice ass, perky tits, but she can't hold a note to save her life and her songs are obviously written by a 54-year old man), and its these "stars" that have tainted the music world and have allowed the insurgence of crap that is...American Idiot.

For every down, there's always an up

So what started out as a pretty shitty start to the week turned pretty positive. Monday I came into work pissed off from the obvious oversight that my boss made the week before in handing my job to someone other than me and realized that I had a 3-hour website developer's class to attend. So that was a bit of a plus, seeing as this meant I didn't have to be in my building for the first half of the day. Anything to keep my distance from the ball of negativity that has built up over here. Anyway, so I attend this class, fully expecting it to just be cut and dry nonsense that I already knew, when I came to find out that the company is going to be creating a web developers position, and that I was the lead candidate for it. Naturally I was high as a kite with this info. I just came off of a bad weekend, and now, suddenly, I forgot the travesty of not getting the promotion. So this made for a very good morning. Then, once class was over and I got back to work, my boss pulled me into the office and asked me to pick out my co-worker. Basically he felt that since I KNOW what is best for my department, that I should be the one to pick the team. So I got to pick my co-worker that I have been trying hard to get over here. Bonus happiness for me.

Now, I hear that not only do both of my girlfriend's children have ear infections, but now the youngest has a rash caused by the medicine she was given to combat it. Not only that, but my grandmother informed me that my grandpa had a pacemaker installed to help regulate his heartbeat. Great, so now I can only hope that equally momumental highs are in store for me, otherwise the title for this blog is quite false, wouldn't you say?

Trials and tribulations of a non ass-kissing employee

Well, this post finds me in a foul, yet vulnerable mood. Recently two constituents of mine had been removed from their positions in my department for illegal behavior that cost the company some dough. One of these people happened to be my immediate boss. Now this wasn't some run-of-the-mill asshole by any means. I have worked with him for several years (6 to be exact). The same goes for my co-worker who was also let go. She was a firecracker in her own right, but she was one of the guys nonetheless.

Getting to the point, with my boss' removal, this opened up his position. Now, not to take anything away from my ex-boss' performance, but he didn't exactly make HIMSELF look good, it was a combination of efforts between myself and my ex co-worker. I had worked under him in another department 2 years prior, and it has been brought to my attention NOW that it was my efforts then that made him look good enough to get the job that he has recently been removed from. I practically did his job, and all at the same time I made him look good. Of course, little voices coming at me have led me to believe NOW that after all I did for him, he spent a good part of his tenure trying to debunk my efforts and, in essence, have me fired for incompetency. What the hell is this? After all I did for him, all the whining I endured, all the time we spent hanging out and grabbing drinks had all been for naught. Well, this left me feeling pretty shitty, but also it instilled in me the power to regroup and try for his vacated position, a feat that should have been rather simple...If it weren't for one person, the ass-kisser.

I had the job pegged. It was mine. My supervisor, the one doing the hiring, even told me the job was written for me. But, there was foul work afoot. See, I work in an off-site building from my company's main campus. We are a small, autonomous operation that employees 8 people. We have our own system of leadership that runs very well, and we are a pretty tight group of people. But, the particular operations I am involved with here is relatively new to this group. And one of the people that started in this building, an ass-kisser by nature and reputation, has been hard-up for a leadership role since the my group showed up. He was always promised, but never saw results. He was ready to leave, and tried unsuccessfully several times prior to secure a leadership position outside of our building. When the firings went down, you would have thought he was a starving dog salivating over a freshly-cut side of beef. He was about to sink his teeth into it, until I stepped up and noted my desire to lead my group. Then he stepped back, feeling the hurt of knowing that someone was more qualified than him to get the position. A short victory for me that would never be celebrated.

When he announced to the super of his reluctance to apply for the job because of me, the super should have accepted it as the best thing to do and left it at that....but no. He told him to apply anyway, as he wanted a variety of good candidates to choose from. I saw this, originally, as a proving ground to stake my claim in once the position was handed to me. What I should have seen was an obvious ploy to hand over MY job to the resident ass-kisser that the super has had a boner for since the day they started the operations.

No, he's not gay...he just sees himself in this kid. I say kid because I am 3 years his elder. I also have 3 years seniority over him. So I should have rightfully received this job by default...but this is not the case. In the end, ass-kiss gets the job and I get the bullshit cookie-cutter explanation of "He's had the leadership role in his eye a lot longer than you, and while you have the technical know-how and this position was practically made for you, I have to follow my instinct and go with what I feel is the better candidate."

Are you fucking kidding me? Did he just say that? This job was made for me...I am the most-qualified for the job...but because I didn't have the desire to be a leader (unbeknownst to said super, I have been trying to leave the building for some time in a leadership capacity, but nothing ever materialized from my leads), I lost out? Are you on drugs? How the hell can you begin to tell me something like this? I should have seen it coming, but I was filled with so much pride from the number of people who wished me luck and assured me I would get the job that I was blindsided by this obvious case of favoritism. I'd take it to HR, but in all honesty, it would cause me more grief from my super thinking I hate him, and my new boss thinking I am trying to screw him over and cost him his newly-acquired job. So, what do I do? Simple...start looking for something new. Either inside the company, or out, I am poised with my schooling and my skills to find something better...and to get out of this obviously lop-sided rule that is going to run the building into a brick wall. I used to have pride in my job...now I'm embarrassed I even work there. Pity, because I make a good living and have a lot of time in it. I just can't STAND to see undeserving people get a high-paying gig with responsibility they will obviously squander, or hand down to me for them to take credit for. Ah, office life.

Why are you so stupid?

You know what really pisses me off? Stupid people. And I am not talking about those who occasionally have a brain lapse and do something stupid...no no no. I am talking about people who thrive in their stupidity. These people have as much stupidity as I have blood. If stupidity were a currency, they'd be billionaires. I think you get my point. There are times where I feel like God put these people on Earth just to piss me off. They get in my way, talk their talk, and then argue to no end about their stance, only to annoy me and make me bow out in default. Want an example?

My bank made an error in their favor that cost me roughly $60. This made no sense to me, so I called up the customer support department, being that this is the only way to get an answer without listening to 20 different recordings all telling me how much they value my service and which button I should press to achieve nirvana. So this half-wit answers (How do I know she's a half-wit? Easy, she has a nice, thick Kentucky accent, that's how.) I calmly explain my quandary and ask that it be rectified immediately. I give out all my pertinent information she asked for, and I sat patiently as she fat-fingered my account number into the computer 3 times (I know she fat-fingered because no one hits 7 keys all at once without screwing something up...it was that loud..I heard them over the phone). Anyway, so she types in all this information and then says I overdrafted my account, not once, but twice, and they charged me $60 in fees. Here's the kicker...there isn't anything on my register or transaction log that shows where these could have originated from. I put just enough money in this account to pay bills, and no more. There should have been about $17 left in this account. All my transactions added up correctly, and the total balance was $16.74. I mention all this to her, once again in a nice, friendly tone. She then goes on about how I had two debits, one for $21.20 and one for $1.00 in that overdrafted my account. I asked who they were from, a little annoyed now because who the hell debited my account without my authorization? She stated that these were from Verizon Wireless. Ah, the cell phone company. But what the hell, they got their money for my bill 2 weeks ago, what's this? At this point I am logging onto my online banking page to see, in detail, what they debited. I log onto the page, and there aren't any debits listed. I ask her to verify her information, and then to make sure she was looking at my account. She states everything correctly, but these two debits do not exist on my account. I am getting a little steamed at this point because she's just typing away, telling me I owed them this money and that there is nothing that they can do to help me out. I ask her why these aren't showing up on my account, and she says its because Verizon cancelled these debits before they posted to the account.

Great, so I shouldn't have overdraft charges then, right? Wrong. She claims that my account still overdrafted. I ask her to prove it. I told her to add up all that was on there and then subtract it from my beginning balance and tell me what she gets. What was her answer? $16.74. What did she say then? "Well, then when you factor in the $60 in fees, its -$43.26. WHAT?!?! DID YOU JUST SAY THAT?!?!?! YOU JUST TOLD ME MY ACCOUNT WAS IN THE POSITIVE, YET YOU STILL ADD IN THE OVERDRAFT CHARGES?!?!?! DOES THIS NOT MAKE ANY SENSE TO YOU?!?!? DID YOU TAKE MATH IN SCHOOL?!?!?! She gets upset (and rightfully so) and tells me I need to speak with her manager. "Good, I was beginning to actually feel my IQ slip below 140 during this conversation," I so eloquently stated. I heard her sigh as she put me on hold. Ah the power of being an asshole.

So the manager gets on, tells me that I have upset his employee, to which sent me into another tirade that basically left him breathless and without any cocky/witty comeback. He asked me to tell him what was wrong, I explained, and wouldn't you know it, he credited my account for the 2 erroneous fees, and issued a stern warning of "Next time you call, try to be a little courteous to our staff as they are only trying to help. If not, we could be forced to close your account." I scoffed at his warning and told him, "Do something stupid like this again and I will not only close my account for you, but I'll see your asses in court for incompetence, harassment, failure to provide service, and theft," and quickly hung up the phone. Ah, the fun I have in my life with stupid people....what bliss. And all this on a Friday. Oh what fun will the weekend bring?

My first blog

Well, it only took me 5 years to build up enough curiosity to look into this blogging phenomenon. Hmm, and I thought I was on the cutting edge of technology-driven pop culture. There goes my ego, deflated and bruised. Ah, anyway, I guess a brief introduction is in order for all those who choose to view this atrocity of a blog (is this even a word?).

My name is Josh. I was born, raised, and probably will die in Indiana. I live a pretty normal life. Well, I guess that's an exaggeration. My life is quite unique. I am blessed with the ability to sponge up any and all useless knowledge and store it away for use at a later date. This is especially helpful when I pop into a pub with the fellas and someone rants on and on about a particular line uttered in a movie or what kind of music a particular media icon might enjoy. Some brandish me a know-it-all, but I like to think of it as an eccentric breadth of knowledge that they are too jealous to appreciate. Perhaps I'll be on Jeopardy one day.

Anyway, I work for a major, international diagnostics company based here in Indiana. I make a good living, earn good money, live in a great apartment, and have a very beautiful girlfriend. Oh, I'm 25...just to clear that up. Yeah, I know...I should be living in a house. Well, that's another story for another time. I think I have summed up the basics that will get you through these posts....oh wait, I almost forgot. I am a rambler by heredity, so these posts will probably be pretty long-winded and bounce all over the place from topic to topic. Dammit, I'm eccentric, get over it. Also, I am a pretty funny guy. Most people say things like that and really aren't, but I seriously am. I crack myself up sometimes with the words that fall out of my mouth. Perhaps some of that will spill over into this........then again, this is just a glorified diary...the only comedy in that is the pathetic attempt at trying to make yourself seem witty when all you really are doing is talking to yourself, pretending someone will actually read this and think, "Hmm, this guy is pretty cool, I wish I was like him." Sigh, why do I even bother. Perhaps I shouldn't have done this after all....curse you, insane curiosity. Why do you torment me so?!?!?!